Every Day
by perfectpro
Summary: Mitchie knows that fate is sadistic. Upon further inspection, she realizes how cruel irony truly can be.


Every day, she dies in side a little.

She brushes the tears away (because no one enjoys crying to their fears)

&she laughs even though she doesn't mean it

(because if she's going to play a fake, she's going to play a damn good one)

- - -

_Flip. Flip. Flip._

The magazine pages turn quietly as she reads, as she loses herself

(this way she doesn't have to watch herself die a little)

**o h m y g o d n o i t ' s l y i n g**

But it isn't and those pictures aren't photo-shopped

Because Shane really does wear a hat tilted to the side when he goes on dates

&Tess really does pile as many bracelets on as she can without breaking her arms

And they are _happyhappyhappy_ with their oh-so-perfect _smilesmilesmiles_

She _hatehatehates_ it, but doesn't say a word

So she simply closes the magazine and throws it in the trash as she walks out to her car

- - -

_10 miles over. 15 miles over. 20 miles over. Crash._

She hears the sound of metal squealing as the crash ensues

She cannot feel anything, but from the looks of how the glass is in her face and of how the metal has her _trappedtrappedtrapped_, it hurts a lot

She isn't sure though, because she can't feel it

She feels nothing as she feels everything (and nothing just doesn't seem to compare to the pain of everything that she always feels)

- - -

lovecan'tharmme.

What a silly, silly phrase

What a lying, stupid phrase

What a phrase, indeed

Love.

How stupid that she let that word rule her life for her and now it is almost over

_Beep. (Pause.) Beep. (Pause.) Beep. (Pause.) Beep._

Machines can keep her living for a little while longer, but not much.

People come flooding in to see her, but NOT the one she wants to see most.

No, never the one she wants to see m.o.s.t

Because he is too cruel to come even when she is (_**dying and he is her last wish**_)

Nate calls him. Jason texts him. They tell him to come, because she could die.

Little do they know, she is already.

{She knows it and she just wants her wish to come true}

Suddenly she hears that _beautifulbeautifulbeautiful_ voice ask where she is

She wants to scream (**Here I am!**) but she doesn't

[She never really was the best at showing her feelings]

She w-a-i-t-s until he is in the room

His hair is wildly messed up, there is lipstick smudges across his face

&littlemisssunshine herself {Tess Flipping Tyler} comes into the room after him

With her face having just as many smudges and her hair being even more messed up

She knows what they've been doing [who cares?--she does]

But she simply closes her eyes and makes up the _perfectperfectperfect_ image of Shane

&she talks to _that Shane_

[But that Shane just stepped into an empty supply closet with Tess. _Shhh, don't tell._]

But she doesn't TALK

She doesn't even _C A R E_

{whythehellshouldshe}when she knows it's hopeless

He is Prince [notso]Charming and he's being held captive by the wicked witch

&she is just an old ex-girlfriend who n e v e r really was.

He smiles weakly and his lips move, but they are not the words she N/E/E/D/S to hear

_I love you sosososo much that I just realized how much._

N. O.

_Get well soon, because I have so much to tell you that I just realized._

N. O.

_Sorry this happened._

Y. 3. S.

She wants to screamyellbreakcrysob but she doesn't

Then littlemisssunshine opens her mouth.

&the sky comes crashing down.

_Oh, God, Mitchie, you'll get through this. You have to. Shane and I just started dating and who else will listen to me rant about him when we get into fights?_

**o.h.g.o.d.p.l.e.a.s.e.n.o**

_*Yesyesyes*_

NO/NO/NO/NO/NO/NO/NO/NO

screamyellbreakcrysob

- - -

She's tied together with |broken| hearts and [shattered] dreams and the marred hopes that **died** long ago don't help matters much either.

Her life seems like a joke.

{But she isn't l.a.u.g.h.i.n.g at it}

screamyellbreakcrysob

R.U.N.

- - -

Her feet are pounding the pavement and she is dodging cars and paparazzi.

Picture cameras flash in her face, but she moves stealthily

_s-t-e-a-l-t-h-l-i-k-e-a-n-i-n-j-a_

She pounds on Shane's door until her knuckles are bloody and she realizes that he probably isn't there.

_Turn slowly._

**G*A*S*P--H*O*R*R*O*R--S*H*O*C*K**

She wants to lean over the railing of his porch and die right there, but she doesn't.

_Take me now, God_ she wants to scream but holds it in.

Instead, she puts on a smile hugs Shane as quickly as she can without thinking all too much about it.

Because, in all actuality, this is their first hug (asjustfriends)

_Click._

_Snap._

_Flash._

_Bright light._

Paparazzi click their cameras as if they've got the next big scoop

-whoknows?-

&she and Shane just fake _smilesmilesmile_ for the cameras as she walked into his house.

Tess is sitting on the couch, giving herself a manicure.

STOP*FREEZE*PLEASE*NO

_Shane, I think -- Mitchie, what are you-?_

Her smile d i e s & she sprints out before Tess can even finish the sentence.

- - -

_Drip. Drip. Drop._

Tears fall from her face as she runs back to her house.

Tess is the beautiful new girlfriend (future fiancé? future wife?) of Shane's that makes Mitchie realize that life isn't just dreams and butterflies.

Mitchie is an old [H.A.S. B.E.E.N] girlfriend (whoneverreallywas)

(_Shhh, don't tell._)

- - -

Caitlyn shows up to her house with Nate and Jason in tow.

&suddenly she is sobbing brokenly on the floor surrounded by hugs and meaningless words that don't convince her of anything.

_It'll all work out in the end._

_He misses you, Mitchie. He really does._

_You're perfect the way you are._

_He knows what he's missing. He just doesn't want to admit it. But he'll be back soon begging for you to take him back._

&she lets her hopes rise to the _blueblueblue_ sky with that last promise.

- - -

Days pass.

Shane doesn't show up at her home with a bouquet of flowers and a mouthful of apologies that she can't wait to reject.

Because she just wants to get even and crush him and his dream just like he went and _m*u*r*d*e*r*e*d_ her and her dream.

She doesn't want him back. She just wants to tell him to shove off and smile bitterly when he walked away (....away)

Caitlyn shows up and hugs her and tries to glue her back together, but she can't seem to find all of the p/i/e/c/e/s

(Shane took some of them with him and forgot to give them back)

- - -

They lie to her as she passes by to her apartment.

_whatsicklittlebrats_

Thinking they can sell her some story of how Shane just broke up with Tess, maybe she should ask him about it?

Laughing at her as she hurls a potted plant at one of the photographers.

He deserved it.

_Do you still love Shane Grey? Have you ever gotten over him? Do you support his new relationship with Tess Tyler?_

Monsters, all of them.

She shoves her way past them and closes her door, only to find Shane standing there looking guilty.

A bouquet of roses is at his feet.

She can practically taste the apologies he is about to spit out and expect her to eat up.

But she really isn't in the mood for crushing his dreams right now, _maybehecancomebacklater_?

- - -

He comes back, and she tells him to _keepthehellawayfromher_ after he asks if she'll consider re-dating him now that he's dumped Tess.

His face drops.

She feels as though she has just kicked a puppy.

He leaves her apartment without another word.

She feels awful and wonderful at the same time.

Awful, because she knows what it feels like to have that done.

Wonderful, because she knows what it feels like to do it.

- - -

Caitlyn drops by later with a note from Shane.

Any other day, she would have read and re-read it over long after she had it memorized.

That day, without opening it, she tossed it into the shredder.

- - -

Everyone else thinks that Mitchie Torres has become a better person without Shane Grey.

The paparazzi never write mean things about her. [they'dfeelbad]

Her friends never tell her that she's being mean.

Everyone else thinks that Mitchie Torres couldn't care less about Shane Grey and his current little girl-of-the-week.

But everyone else doesn't know that she spends a day crying every time she sees him with someone else.

Everyone else thinks that Mitchie Torres is strong, independent, and can do just about anything.

Mitchie Torres thinks she can't do anything.

Mitchie Torres wants to tell them they're wrong (they'reallwrong), because she is weak, and torn, and broken, and dependent on everyone else.

But she doesn't, because that would mean being independent.

&even though the paparazzi think that's what she is,

Mitchie Torres is _everything she's not_.

&she just wants everyone to get used to it.


End file.
